content/posts/2016/2016-06-03-coping-with-fears-of-public-speaking/index.md
---
title: "Coping with fears of public speaking"
cover: "https://picsum.photos/1600/800/?image=633"
date: 2016-06-03 21:23:59 +0200
tags:
- Comfort Zone
---
> Fears sabotage our success and impede improvements we can make.
> It's terribly difficult to overcome them but all we can do is try.
> Take it one step at a time.
At some time in your career, you may be asked to present or speak
at an event. If you are brave enough, you may opt-in on your own.
Chances are, if you are software developer, it's not something you will want
to do. I know. For many years I have avoided it. It's terrifying.
- I lose my entire vocabulary when I look at a crowd of people
- I stumble and mess up the words I remember
- I say nonsensical things that make me cringe afterward
- I lose control over my voice
- I forget what I am saying
- I freeze and panic
## Just put yourself out there
To hell with it. I've let so many opportunities pass me by because I was scared.
At the end of April, I got a tweet asking if I'd be interested in giving an
[Ignite talk](http://www.ignitetalks.io/)
at [Jozi-JUG](http://www.meetup.com/Jozi-JUG/)—a local Java User Group.
My initial response was "hell no" but I responded by saying I'll check it out
and decided to submit a talk titled
"[Branding Your Identity](/blog/branding-your-identity)."
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">
<a href="https://twitter.com/riggaroo">@riggaroo</a>
<a href="https://twitter.com/cbillowes">@cbillowes</a>
interested in giving a 20 slide 5 minute talk?
<a href="https://t.co/TIyjkXOHH8">https://t.co/TIyjkXOHH8</a>
</p>
— Dean Gerber (@dean_gerber)
<a href="https://twitter.com/dean_gerber/status/726039414351253504">
April 29, 2016
</a>
</blockquote>
Giving a 5 minute talk can't be that bad, can it? \*facepalm\*
I struggled to prepare because of the fear that had built up within me not to
mention my debilitating [inner perfectionist](/blog/the-perfect-illusion/) that
impeded me from progressing.
## Don't be afraid to ask for help
Closer to the deadline, I started freaking out. This is when I decided to
reach out to the community (at work and on Twitter)—which I
should've done earlier.
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en">
<p lang="en" dir="ltr">
What do you do to calm your nerves before you give a talk/presentation?
</p>
— Clarice Bouwer (@cbillowes)
<a href="https://twitter.com/cbillowes/status/737637601667059712">May 31, 2016</a>
</blockquote>
Thanks to so many amazing people I have been given pearls of wisdom to help me
deal with my fears which I'd like to share with you.
### Take tips from the Pros
LifeHack shared some great
[content](http://www.lifehack.org/400146/7-public-speaking-tips-from-world-class-ted-presenters)
about public speaking tips from world-class TED presenters.
- Show up to give, not take
- Focus on your breath to stay focused
- Leave the slides for the boardroom
- Use plain English
- Leverage the power of the pause
- Embrace the art of the unexpected
- Get the audience involved
<small>
Thanks to Justin Reddy for sharing.
</small>
* * *
[Robin Sharma](http://www.robinsharma.com/), a self-help writer and
leadership speaker, shares some ideas in 9 minutes to help you overcome your
fears.
<div class="video-wrapper">
<iframe class="youtube"
src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/vae0sHrNfFc"
frameborder="0"
allowfullscreen
width="560"
height="349">
</iframe>
</div>
<small>
Thanks to [Indran Naidoo](https://twitter.com/indrannaidoo) for sharing.
</small>
* * *
[Ben Orenstein](https://twitter.com/r00k) presented a great 48 minute talk with
straightforward techniques for giving excellent presentations. This talk is
very entertaining and has some interesting filler lightning talks.
<div class="video-wrapper">
<iframe class="youtube"
src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/l9JXH7JPjR4"
frameborder="0"
allowfullscreen
width="560"
height="349">
</iframe>
</div>
<small>
Thanks to [Steven McDonald](https://twitter.com/StevenMcD) for sharing this
great talk and for suggesting deep breathing exercises and "hero pose."
</small>
### Assimilate your shadow self
> Own your shadow and you will own your life.
> ~ [Aletheia Luna](http://lonerwolf.com/shadow-work-demons/)
I was introduced to the "Shadow Self" concept created by psychologist Carl Jung.
[Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology))
states that _"the shadow or 'shadow aspect' may
refer to (1) an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego
does not identify in itself. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of
the least desirable aspects of one's personality, the shadow is largely
negative, or (2) the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which
a person is not fully conscious."_
I don't know where my phobia stems from but my shadow self is filled with public
speaking grief. It has so much power over me.
It was suggested that instead of hiding from this grief and trying to be someone
I am not, I should face it. Try to fully understand it from the perspective of
another human being.
This concept is new to me and I may not have given it justice here,
but it has helped me by thinking "I'm not scared, you are [shadow self],
so let's do this together."
<small>
Thanks to [Thane Thomson](https://twitter.com/thanethomson) for introducing
me to this concept.
</small>
### Stand on a chair
Standing on a chair while practicing your speech feels awkward. This can help
equip you for the awkwardness you will feel on the day of the delivery.
Unfortunately I don't own chairs that I can stand on but I did take
away the gist of "embracing the awkwardness". So I decided to leverage this.
I went into a few of our delivery teams and asked if they had five minutes to
listen to my talk that I will be presenting. When I got the go-ahead I didn't
give my racing heart time to catch up as I dove straight into my speech.
Yes, this is awkward. Asking people to listen to me just out of the blue is
weird. But it's useful, builds confidence and prepares you for talking in front
of some people.
<small>
Thanks to [Jimi Lutz](https://twitter.com/jimilutz) for this awesome
suggestion.
</small>
### Record yourself
I recorded videos of myself while I practiced my speech at home. I was able to
notice how my delivery changed the moment I knew I was being recorded. I'd
stumble and make so many mistakes.
This also tied in nicely with embracing the awkwardness.
<small>
Thanks to [Malay Pandey](https://twitter.com/malaykp) for this great
suggestion.
</small>
### The audience isn't your enemy
It is important to remember that the audience is not your enemy, in fact they
are rooting for you. They know it is scary being up there and they are most
likely going to be forgiving when you make mistakes. They don't want to see you
fail.
<small>
Thanks to [Seef Oosthuizen](https://twitter.com/S33F) sharing this insight.
</small>
### Practice
Being prepared is important and thanks to my husband and many people I work
with at [DStv Digital Media](http://dstvdm.dstv.com/), I have been given the
opportunity to practice my speech and get constructive criticism to help me
improve.
## My final thoughts
Fears can be paralyzing. I decided to reach out to the community for guidance.
This gave me courage and strength to confront my fears without backing out.
I want to a live a life where I grab opportunities that build me. I want to
succeed. Tackling this fear is a big win for me, regardless of the outcome it
has on Saturday.
* * *
Thanks to [Olga](https://twitter.com/chaos_olga) for coaching me and to
everyone at
[DStv Digital Media](http://dstvdm.dstv.com/),
[Britehouse](http://www.britehouse.co.za/Pages/default.aspx) and
[DVT](http://www.dvt.co.za/) who listened to my
dry runs and offered me so much support, constructive criticism and motivation.
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