content/posts/2016/2016-11-13-the-imposter-within/index.md
---
title: "The imposter within"
cover: "https://picsum.photos/1600/800/?image=680"
date: 2016-11-13 11:23:10 +0200
tags:
- Mindset
- Comfort Zone
---
> “Did I do anything wrong today,” he said, “or has the world always been like
> this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice?” ― Douglas Adams,
> The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Just over a month ago I:
- started doubting myself;
- felt like I wasn't adding value or achieving much;
- felt uncertain of my skills, the work I was doing and my career;
- was comparing myself to others which made me feel inadequate;
- found it difficult to concentrate and focus; and
- felt like a hypocrite.
This fraudulent feeling led me to neglecting simple things like contributing to
my blog. Sadly, this is not the first time this has happened to me. My inner
imposter was once again "shining" and I was left feeling inadequate.
> He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes
> wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
> ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Imposter syndrome <sup id="footnote-1">[1](#footnote-1-ref)</sup> is getting
a lot of attention within our community probably because research
<sup id="footnote-2">[2](#footnote-2-ref)</sup> has estimated that 70% of the
general population has felt imposter tendencies in some part of their career.
It's not a disease. It is a misshapen reality concocted by self-limiting beliefs
and feelings of inadequacy. This reality remains solid even when information
is presented that disproves it. The mind clings to the emotion rather than
the fact.
In my research on this topic, a common underlying message stands out:
**nobody really knows what they're doing all the time**. So the best anyone can
really do is to just try, fail, learn from it and try again.
Logically I know this. Yet here I sit in my trough period trying to get out once
again. So **instead of being hard on myself I am just accepting that right now
it may seem bad, but this too shall pass**.
To help me progress, I can try to understand the compounding feelings that
contribute to this state of mind. By dissecting each one I may be able to make
small adjustments to help me progress out of this:
## Self-doubt
> I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
> ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I've been a software developer for a long time now. In my mind, I don't live up
to my own expectations (which I have learned are exceptionally high for some
reason). There is still so much I don't know, so much that I am uncertain of.
How can you persuade someone to understand something if you have little
confidence in your own understanding? Doubt destroys confidence. Self-doubt
destroys confidence in yourself.
Logically I know it's impossible to be certain of everything yet doubt
looms over me like a towering monster in the dark. I know that we simply have
to figure things out as we go,
remembering that it's okay to be wrong provided we learn from it. Some days
are just better than others for me.
There are many techniques <sup id="footnote-3">[3](#footnote-3-ref)</sup> to aid
those suffering with self-doubt such as:
- Remember past successes and know that you had a role contributing to it.
- Talk to your peers about it. Chances are they are feeling the same.
- Keep a journal. Write down the good and bad and try to find a pattern.
- Don't beat yourself up.
- Don't compare yourself to others. It's unfair on yourself as you may have
different focus areas.
- Land an interview even if you're happy with your job. It can be a great
reminder that you're skilled and valuable.
- Everyone struggles of something. Accept this, then punch fear in the face.
## Uncertainty
> That's what I mean about A-Z plans, you see. I had no idea that things were
> going to turn out like this, so there was no way I could have planned things
> out. You just have to cope with what's happening, and deal with the next bit
> when it comes. ― Michael Marshall Smith, Only Forward
Uncertainty (depending on the context) can sometimes make me very anxious.
At work, I don't like hearing myself say "I don't know".
Yet this happens regularly. I don't know how long something is going to take to
work on, the impact it may have on the system or on the user, the complexity
that may creep in, the right people to talk to. I don't know because I don't
have all the facts. What I can do is figure it out as I go.
The beauty of our industry (and life in general) is that there is still so much
we don't really know. No one knows everything no matter how fanatic people can
be in certain areas.
There is no right way of doing something. There is always a better way. So we
figure things out. We put different pieces of the puzzle together. We
troubleshoot and fix things that are broken. We learn. We create.
Some techniques <sup id="footnote-4">[4](#footnote-4-ref)</sup> we
can use in the face of uncertainty include:
- Know that certainty is an illusion. Things can change in a heartbeat.
- Focus on what you can control.
- Get confident about your coping and adapting skills.
- Prepare for different possibilities.
- Accept constant imperfection.
- Don't get attached to everything. When it changes you tend to suffer.
- Reconnect with the constants in your life.
- Practice mindfulness.
- Ask yourself these three questions:
- What do I think is the worst possible realistic outcome of the situation?
- How will I feel about it?
- What will I do about it?
> We are water. We evaporate, we freeze, we fall, we cool, we crash in waves,
> we ebb and flow, we soothe, swim and foam. A part of us looks the same to a
> mind that wants to condense and categorize, but in the end, we are
> constantly recreated anew. ― Disqus user drb74
## Comparing yourself to others
> The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind
> the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel. ― Steven Furtick
We can't see the full picture of everyone around us. We don't know the troubles
they face, what makes them really tick, what fears and weaknesses they
battle out each day and what circumstantial history they have.
Instead get better at knowing yourself. You have the full picture of someone
truly amazing right in front of you, no matter how flawed you think you are.
## My final thoughts
> Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
> ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I started this post on Monday but I couldn't finish it. It's been a real struggle
trying to write about something that I keep telling myself no one will really
care about. This time I got hit hard by imposter syndrome.
There is a lot of talk about it in the community to raise awareness for this
struggle that plagues most of us. It's just a state of mind that can be
controlled.
When I started this post, I reached out on Twitter for some peer guidance and
the responses made me feel good.
Let's give them a shout out based on my question "Anyone suffering from
imposter syndrome lately? I'm writing a post. If you have any advice you wish
to share let me know."
- Far too often. I’m getting better at overcoming it, though. I wrote a
[post](http://codingwithempathy.com/2016/09/20/embrace-your-inner-imposter/) on
the topic recently. ― [Pavneet Singh Saund](https://twitter.com/pavsaund/status/795741588144214016)
- Imposter syndrome isn't just for "actual" experts. It's for everyone in-between
who has their own little area of expertise ― [James Mallison](https://twitter.com/J7mbo/status/795940602357673986)
- All the time ― [Joshua Lewis](https://twitter.com/joshilewis/status/795751736447270913)
- I think most of us suffer from it ― [Christoff Truter](https://twitter.com/cstruter/status/795899354926223360)
- Yup, and also found out what a negative impact it has on the rest of my team.
Working on keeping it suppressed, as it should be. ― [Johan Meiring](https://twitter.com/johanmeiring/status/795844400798633984)
- Go land an interview, even if you're happy with your job. It can be a great reminder
that you're skilled & valuable ― [Chris McClellan](https://twitter.com/Rubberduck203/status/795798471727087619)
* * *
## References
1. <a id="footnote-1-ref"></a>**About Imposter Syndrome** ([Navigate back](#footnote-1))
- [Imposter Syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome) _Wikipedia_
- [The Impostor Syndrome](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLpqq0ljawE)
_GOTO 2016 presentation_, Gitte Klitgaard
- [Imposter Syndrome: Overcoming Self-Doubt in Success](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bcth23hSRC0)
_PrairieCode() 2016 presentation_, Heather Downing
- [21 Proven Ways To Overcome Impostor Syndrome](http://startupbros.com/21-ways-overcome-impostor-syndrome/)
_StartupBros_, Kyle Eschenroeder (2016)
- [High-achievers suffering from 'Imposter Syndrome'](http://www.news.com.au/finance/highachievers-suffering-from-imposter-syndrome/story-e6frfm1i-1226779707766)
_News.com.au_ (2013)
2. <a id="footnote-2-ref"></a>**Research** ([Navigate back](#footnote-2))<br/>
Clark, M.; Vardeman, K.; Barba, S. (2014).
"Perceived inadequacy: A study of the impostor phenomenon among college and
research librarians". College & Research Libraries. 75 (3): 255–271.<br/>
DOI: [10.5860/crl12-423](http://10.5860/crl12-423)
3. <a id="footnote-3-ref"></a>**Techniques to deal with self-doubt** ([Navigate back](#footnote-3))<br/>
- [10 Powerful Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt So You Can Move Forward in Life](http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2015/12/16/overcome-self-doubt/)
_The Positivity Blog_, Henrik Edberg
- [Tweet](https://twitter.com/Rubberduck203/status/795798471727087619)
_Twitter_, Chris McClellan (2016)<br/>
Cited "Land an interview even if you're happy with your job. It can be a great
reminder that you're skilled and valuable."
- [Embrace your inner Imposter](http://codingwithempathy.com/2016/09/20/embrace-your-inner-imposter/)
_Coding with Empathy_, Pavneet Singh Saund (2016)<br/>
Cited "Everyone struggles of something. Accept this, then punch fear in the face."
4. <a id="footnote-4-ref"></a>**Techniques to deal with uncertainty** ([Navigate back](#footnote-4))<br/>
- [Coping with Unknown Outcomes](/blog/coping-with-unknown-outcomes/)
_Corporate Programmer_, Clarice Bouwer (2016)
- [5 Ways to Let Go and Embrace an Uncertain Future](http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-ways-to-let-go-and-embrace-an-uncertain-future/)
_Tiny Buddah_, Lori Deschene (2009)
- [7 Ways to Deal with Uncertainty So You Can Be Happier and Less Anxious](http://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-ways-to-deal-with-uncertainty/)
_Tiny Buddah_, Lori Deschene (2010)
- [Comment on 5 Ways to Let Go and Embrace an Uncertain Future](https://disqus.com/by/drb74/) _Disqus user
drb74_<br/>
Cited "We are water. We evaporate, we freeze, we fall, we cool, we
crash in waves, we ebb and flow, we soothe, swim and foam. A part of us
looks the same to a mind that wants to condense and categorize, but in
the end, we are constantly recreated anew." (2009)