content/posts/2017/2017-05-13-who-are-you/index.md
---
title: Who are you and where are you going?
slug: "who-are-you"
cover: "https://picsum.photos/1600/800/?image=156"
date: 2017-05-13 10:59:08 +0200
tags:
- Mindset
---
> Nathaniel Hawthorne says that happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued,
> is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly,
> may alight upon you.
I've been plagued for years for trying to find purpose in life. This
desperation has left me exhausted as I a played a cyclic game.
I tormented myself because [purpose](https://www.google.com/search?q=define%3Apurpose)
is **a person's sense of resolve or determination** and I felt I had none.
While talking to a very good friend of mine, I came to realize that I want to
**intentionally contribute in order to add value**.
Well now, there's a bunch of complicated and overloaded words that require
some unpacking. At least it's more elaborate than _purpose_. Each statement
in the unpacking process requires its own **why** and **what does it mean to
me** in order to get to the bottom of our complex desires, or at least get
close enough to fulfillment.
I had an epiphany a few weeks ago. What's the point of finding a purpose if I
don't know who I am? I need to discover myself first - a journey I've been on
for quite some time now. Maybe that is my purpose? Who knows.
The information I wish to share with you today, is information I gathered during
a self-healing process on my road to self-discovery.
## Personal identity
> No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may.
> We ourselves must walk the path. ~ Buddha
As much as I kick and scream and tantrum, life is just going to keep happening to me.
Nature doesn't stop living when I am happy or when I am sad. The world just keeps
turning and people just keep _peopling_.
I can really start to listen to life. I can see it's story as it happens to me. I can
figure it out day by day and decide what it is that I want that will make me
happy or improve my sense of self-worth.
Sure life can really suck and as I know I can't control it and it doesn't care
about my logic or rationality, I can just let it happen to me. Accept it.
I know I have the capacity to go anywhere and do whatever I want.
I just need to live with consequences of whatever actions I choose. Are the
consequences destructive or rewarding? Is the choice feasible? A quick
rationalization hardly does any harm.
I'm so sucked in by my self-limiting beliefs and poor perspective that I don't
realize that I am in control of my life, my thoughts, my feelings and my behavior.
I have power over me - even though I rarely believe it.
## Suffering
We get hurt by people, circumstances and all the things that hurt us that are
outside of our control. This leads to suffering...
> Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate.
> Hate leads to suffering. ~ Yoda (George Lucas)
When we are in the dark side (which is neither good nor bad), it becomes hard
to realize that people act differently within their
own parameters of limitations, insecurities, needs, finances, concerns, emotions,
environments and circumstances. This is when we may experience unhealthy levels
of fear, anger, hurt, sadness, pain and suffering.
We can spiral downward into a chaotic emotional mess if we allow it to happen.
Sometimes we are not aware of these parameters because we are the hero's or lead
actors/actresses in our own lives.
This can be confusing. Understanding the logic but implementing in action are
two different things. In the heat of the moment it is easy to lose control
and lash out as an emotional defense.
> You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.
> ~ Buddha
I learned that I need to heal my perception of the people who have hurt me.
I need to **heal the person within** me.
"I love you. I forgive you. I thank you. I am sorry."
We all have our own stories to tell. We desire healing at an emotional level. We
can start by being compassionate and caring. Give to others rather than hoping
to get something back.
## In the moment
> Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind
> on the present moment. ~ Buddha
The past is something that cannot be changed, the future is influenced by the
choices and actions that you make in the present moment.
To balance who we are we need to fulfil some needs which are independent of
time and space (place / circumstances / environment)
- Acceptance
- Contentment
- Excitement
- Happiness
- Health
- Love
- Peace
- Stability
- Success
- Wealth
As we require mental nourishment, we can find it through
[Mindfulness](/blog/a-mindful-day-of-happiness/) practices by being present
in the moment and allowing thoughts to come and go with acceptance and without
judgement.
## Outcome
> What we think, we become. ~ Buddha
Your mindset is powerful. You have the power to decide how you will feel in
a situation. You should be aware of the circumstances and decide how to act.
- What are the dangers of the situation?
- What are the consequences of my actions?
- Will it make me depressed or not depressed?
### Depressed
If we choose to be depressed about something we tend to blame. We become a
**victim**. Other people are accused and held responsible for our thoughts
and feelings. _They_ did this to me. _They_ could have handled the situation
better.
### Not depressed
If we choose not to let the situation get us down we can own the situation.
We become the **creator**. This makes us a facilitator of our own destiny.
We realize that we are not responsible for anyone's thoughts and feelings other
than our own.
## My final thoughts
> Today you are You, that is truer than true.
> There is no one alive who is Youer than You. ~ Dr. Seuss
It is important to discover who you are. You need mental nourishment and to look
after yourself.
Be aware of your situations and how you wish to react. Set personal boundaries
for people around you. You can choose to give in spite of the situation but
be aware of the circumstances. **Transcend the situation.**
Be mindful and live in the moment instead of dwelling on the past or future.