locale/misc.yml
en:
misc:
catfact:
responses:
- "#1002: A cat's brain is more similar to a man's brain than that of a dog."
- "#1003: A cat has more bones than a human; humans have 206, but the cat has 230 (some cites list 245 bones, and state that bones may fuse together as the cat ages)."
- "#1004: Cats have 30 vertebrae (humans have 33 vertebrae during early development; 26 after the sacral and coccygeal regions fuse)"
- "#1005: The cat's clavicle, or collarbone, does not connect with other bones but is buried in the muscles of the shoulder region. This lack of a functioning collarbone allows them to fit through any opening the size of their head."
- "#1006: The cat has 500 skeletal muscles (humans have 650)."
- "#1007: Cats have 32 muscles that control the outer ear (compared to human's 6 muscles each). A cat can rotate its ears independently 180 degrees, and can turn in the direction of sound 10 times faster than those of the best watchdog."
- "#1008: Cats' hearing is much more sensitive than humans and dogs."
- "#1009: Cats' hearing stops at 65 khz (kilohertz); humans' hearing stops at 20 khz."
- "#1010: A cat sees about 6 times better than a human at night, and needs 1/6 the amount of of light that a human does - it has a layer of extra reflecting cells which absorb light."
- "#1011: Recent studies have shown that cats can see blue and green. There is disagreement as to whether they can see red."
- "#1012: A cat's field of vision is about 200 degrees."
- "#1013: Unlike humans, cats do not need to blink their eyes on a regular basis to keep their eyes lubricated."
- "#1014: Blue-eyed, pure white cats are frequently deaf."
- "#1015: It may take as long as 2 weeks for a kitten to be able to hear well. Their eyes usually open between 7 and 10 days, but sometimes it happens in as little as 2 days."
- "#1016: Cats can judge within 3 inches the precise location of a sound being made 1 yard away."
- "#1017: Cats can be right-pawed or left-pawed."
- "#1018: A cat cannot see directly under its nose."
- "#1019: Almost 10% of a cat's bones are in its tail, and the tail is used to maintain balance."
- "#1020: The domestic cat is the only species able to hold its tail vertically while walking. You can also learn about your cat's present state of mind by observing the posture of his tail."
- "#1021: If a cat is frightened, the hair stands up fairly evenly all over the body; when the cat is threatened or is ready to attack, the hair stands up only in a narrow band along the spine and tail."
- "#1022: A cat has approximately 60 to 80 million olfactory cells (a human has between 5 and 20 million)."
- "#1023: Cats have a special scent organ located in the roof of their mouth, called the Jacobson's organ. It analyzes smells - and is the reason why you will sometimes see your cat 'sneer' (called the flehmen response or flehming) when they encounter a strong odor."
- "#1024: Cats dislike citrus scent."
- "#1025: A cat has a total of 24 whiskers, 4 rows of whiskers on each side. The upper two rows can move independently of the bottom two rows."
- "#1026: Cats have 30 teeth (12 incisors, 10 premolars, 4 canines, and 4 molars), while dogs have 42. Kittens have baby teeth, which are replaced by permanent teeth around the age of 7 months."
- "#1027: A cat's jaw has only up and down motion; it does not have any lateral, side to side motion, like dogs and humans."
- "#1028: A cat's tongue has tiny barbs on it."
- "#1029: Cats lap liquid from the underside of their tongue, not from the top."
- "#1030: Cats purr at the same frequency as an idling diesel engine, about 26 cycles per second."
- "#1031: Domestic cats purr both when inhaling and when exhaling."
- "#1032: The cat's front paw has 5 toes, but the back paws have 4. Some cats are born with as many as 7 front toes and extra back toes (polydactl)."
- "#1033: Cats walk on their toes."
- "#1034: A domestic cat can sprint at about 31 miles per hour."
- "#1035: A kitten will typically weigh about 3 ounces at birth. The typical male housecat will weigh between 7 and 9 pounds, slightly less for female housecats."
- "#1036: Cats take between 20-40 breaths per minute."
- "#1037: Normal body temperature for a cat is 102 degrees F."
- "#1038: A cat's normal pulse is 140-240 beats per minute, with an average of 195."
- "#1039: Cat's urine glows under a black light."
- "#1040: Cats lose almost as much fluid in the saliva while grooming themselves as they do through urination."
- "#1041: A cat has two vocal chords, and can make over 100 sounds."
- "#1044: Miacis, the primitive ancestor of cats, was a small, tree-living creature of the late Eocene period, some 45 to 50 million years ago."
- "#1045: Phoenician cargo ships are thought to have brought the first domesticated cats to Europe in about 900 BC."
- "#1046: The first true cats came into existence about 12 million years ago and were the Proailurus."
- "#1047: Experts traditionally thought that the Egyptians were the first to domesticate the cat, some 3,600 years ago. But recent genetic and archaeological discoveries indicate that cat domestication began in the Fertile Crescent, perhaps around 10,000 years ago, when agriculture was getting under way. (per Scientific American, 6/10/2009)"
- "#1048: Ancient Egyptian family members shaved their eyebrows in mourning when the family cat died."
- "#1049: In Siam, the cat was so revered that one rode in a chariot at the head of a parade celebrating the new king."
- "#1050: The Pilgrims were the first to introduce cats to North America."
- "#1051: The first breeding pair of Siamese cats arrived in England in 1884."
- "#1052: The first formal cat show was held in England in 1871; in America, in 1895."
- "#1053: The Maine Coon cat is America's only natural breed of domestic feline. It is 4 to 5 times larger than the Singapura, the smallest breed of cat."
- "#1054: There are approximately 100 breeds of cat."
- "#1055: The life expectancy of cats has nearly doubled since 1930 - from 8 to 16 years."
- "#1056: Cats have been domesticated for half as long as dogs have been."
- "#1058: Cats respond most readily to names that end in an 'ee' sound."
- "#1059: The female cat reaches sexual maturity within 6 to 10 months; most veterinarians suggest spaying the female at 5 months, before her first heat period. The male cat usually reaches sexual maturity between 9 and 12 months."
- "#1060: Female cats are 'polyestrous,' which means they may have many heat periods over the course of a year. A heat period lasts about 4 to 7 days if the female is bred; if she is not, the heat period lasts longer and recurs at regular intervals."
- "#1061: A female cat will be pregnant for approximately 9 weeks - between 62 and 65 days from conception to delivery."
- "#1062: Female felines are 'superfecund,' which means that each of the kittens in her litter can have a different father."
- "#1063: Many cats love having their forehead gently stroked."
- "#1064: If a cat is frightened, put your hand over its eyes and forehead, or let him bury his head in your armpit to help calm him."
- "#1065: A cat will tremble or shiver when it is in extreme pain."
- "#1066: Cats should not be fed tuna exclusively, as it lacks taurine, an essential nutrient required for good feline health."
- "#1067: Purring does not always indicate that a cat is happy and healthy - some cats will purr loudly when they are terrified or in pain."
- "#1068: Not every cat gets 'high' from catnip. If the cat doesn't have a specific gene, it won't react (about 20% do not have the gene). Catnip is non-addictive."
- "#1069: Cats must have fat in their diet because they can't produce it on their own."
- "#1070: While many cats enjoy milk, it will give some cats diarrhea."
- "#1071: A cat will spend nearly 30% of her life grooming herself."
- "#1072: When a domestic cat goes after mice, about 1 pounce in 3 results in a catch."
- "#1073: Mature cats with no health problems are in deep sleep 15 percent of their lives. They are in light sleep 50 percent of the time. That leaves just 35 percent awake time, or roughly 6-8 hours a day."
- "#1074: Cats come back to full alertness from the sleep state faster than any other creature."
- "#1075: A cat can jump 5 times as high as it is tall."
- "#1076: Cats can jump up to 7 times their tail length."
- "#1077: Spaying a female before her first or second heat will greatly reduce the threat of mammary cancer and uterine disease. A cat does not need to have at least 1 litter to be healthy, nor will they 'miss' motherhood. A tabby named 'Dusty' gave birth to 420 documented kittens in her lifetime, while 'Kitty' gave birth to 2 kittens at the age of 30, having given birth to a documented 218 kittens in her lifetime."
- "#1078: Neutering a male cat will, in almost all cases, stop him from spraying (territorial marking), fighting with other males (at least over females), as well as lengthen his life and improve its quality."
- "#1079: Declawing a cat is the same as cutting a human's fingers off at the knuckle. There are several alternatives to a complete declawing, including trimming or a less radical (though more involved) surgery to remove the claws. Instead, train your cat to use a scratching post."
- "#1080: The average lifespan of an outdoor-only (feral and non-feral) is about 3 years; an indoor-only cat can live 16 years and longer. Some cats have been documented to have a longevity of 34 years."
- "#1081: Cats with long, lean bodies are more likely to be outgoing, and more protective and vocal than those with a stocky build."
- "#1082: A steady diet of dog food may cause blindness in your cat - it lacks taurine."
- "#1083: An estimated 50% of today's cat owners never take their cats to a veterinarian for health care. Too, because cats tend to keep their problems to themselves, many owners think their cat is perfectly healthy when actually they may be suffering from a life-threatening disease. Therefore, cats, on an average, are much sicker than dogs by the time they are brought to your veterinarian for treatment."
- "#1084: Never give your cat aspirin unless specifically prescribed by your veterinarian; it can be fatal. Never ever give Tylenol to a cat. And be sure to keep anti-freeze away from all animals - it's sweet and enticing, but deadly poison."
- "#1085: Most cats adore sardines."
- "#1086: A cat uses its whiskers for measuring distances. The whiskers of a cat are capable of registering very small changes in air pressure."
- "#1087: Cats and People"
- "#1088: It has been scientifically proven that striking a cat can lower one's blood pressure."
- "#1089: In 1987, cats overtook dogs as the number one pet in America (about 50 million cats resided in 24 million homes in 1986). About 37% of American homes today have at least one cat."
- "#1090: If your cat snores or rolls over on his back to expose his belly, it means he trusts you."
- "#1091: Cats respond better to women than to men, probably due to the fact that women's voices have a higher pitch."
- "#1092: In an average year, cat owners in the United States spend over $2 billion on cat food."
- "#1093: According to a Gallup poll, most American pet owners obtain their cats by adopting strays."
- "#1094: When your cats rubs up against you, she is actually marking you as 'hers' with her scent. If your cat pushes his face against your head, it is a sign of acceptance and affection."
- "#1095: Contrary to popular belief, people are not allergic to cat fur, dander, saliva, or urine - they are allergic to 'sebum,' a fatty substance secreted by the cat's sebaceous glands. More interesting, someone who is allergic to one cat may not be allergic to another cat. Though there isn't (yet) a way of predicting which cat is more likely to cause allergic reactions, it has been proven that male cats shed much greater amounts of allergen than females. A neutered male, however, sheds much less than a non-neutered male."
- "#1096: Cat bites are more likely to become infected than dog bites."
- "#1097: In just 7 years, one un-spayed female cat and one un-neutered male cat and their offspring can result in 420,000 kittens."
- "#1098: Some notable people who disliked cats: Napoleon Bonaparte, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Hitler."
- "#1100: Six-toed kittens are so common in Boston and surrounding areas of Massachusetts that experts consider it an established mutation."
- "#1101: The silks created by weavers in Baghdad were inspired by the beautiful and varied colors and markings of cat coats. These fabrics were called 'tabby' by European traders."
- "#1102: Cat families usually play best in even numbers. Cats and kittens should be acquired in pairs whenever possible."
- "#1103: Cats lived with soldiers in trenches, where they killed mice during World War I."
- "#1104: A male cat is called a 'tom' (or a 'gib,' if neutered), and a female is called a 'molly' or 'queen.' The father of a cat is its 'sire,' and mother is its 'dam.' An immature cat of either sex is called a 'kitten.' A group of cats is a 'clowder.'"
- "#1105: Cat litter was 'invented' in 1947 when Edward Lowe asked his neighbor to try a dried, granulated clay used to sop up grease spills in factories. (In 1990, Mr. Lowe sold his business for $200 million.)"
- "#1106: The cat appears to be the only domestic companion animal not mentioned in the Bible. *"
- "#1107: The cat does not exist in the Chinese Zodiac, but it does in the Vietnamese version, instead of rabbit. See Folklore, Superstitions, and Proverbs."
- "#666: Cats are dumb."
- "#420: 20% of cats can't get high off of catnip."
cointoss:
responses:
- "Heads."
- "Tails."
magic:
responses:
- "it is certain!"
- "it is decidedly so!"
- "without a doubt!"
- "yes definitely!"
- "you may rely on it!"
- "as I see it yes!"
- "most likely."
- "outlook good."
- "yes!"
- "signs point to yes."
- "reply hazy try again."
- "ask again later."
- "better not tell you now."
- "cannot predict now."
- "concentrate and ask again."
- "don\'t count on it."
- "my reply is no."
- "my sources say no."
- "outlook not so good."
- "very doubtful."
fortune:
responses:
- "conquer your fears or they will conquer you."
- "you only need look to your own reflection for inspiration."
- "rivers need springs."
- "good news from afar may bring you a welcome visitor."
- "when all else seems to fail, smile for today and just love someone."
- "when you look down, all you see is dirt, so keep looking up."
- "if you are afraid to shake the dice, you will never throw a six."
- "a single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study."
- "happiness is often a rebound from hard work."
- "the world may be your oyster, but that doesn't mean you'll get it's pearl."
- "you're true love will show himself to you under the moonlight (no homo)."
- "do not follow where the path may lead. Go where there is no path...and leave a trail."
- "do not fear what you don't know."
- "the object of your desire comes closer."
- "if you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words."
- "the most useless energy is trying to change what and who you are."
- "do not be covered in sadness or be fooled in happiness they both must exist."
- "you will have unexpected good luck."
- "you will have a pleasant surprise."
- "all progress occurs because people dare to be different."
- "your ability for accomplishment will be followed by success."
- "we can't help everyone. But everyone can help someone."
- "you have a deep appreciation of the arts and music."
- "human evolution: \"wider freeway\" but narrower viewpoints."
- "intelligence is the door to freedom and alert attention is the mother of intelligence."
- "back away from individuals who are impulsive."
- "a big fortune will descend upon you this year."
- "now these three remain, faith, hope, and love. The greatest of these is love."
- "for success today look first to yourself."
- "determination is the wake-up call to the human will."
- "there are no limitations to the mind except those we aknowledge."
- "a merry heart does good like a medicine."
- "whenever possible, keep it simple."
- "your dearest wish will come true."
- "poverty is no disgrace, unless you're a republican."
- "if you don't do it excellently, don't do it at all."
- "you have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly."
- "emotion is energy in motion."
- "you will soon be honored by someone you respect."
- "your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life."
- "elegant surroundings will soon be yours."
- "if you feel you are right, stand firmly by your convictions."
- "your smile brings happiness to everyone you meet."
- "instead of worrying and agonizing, move ahead constructively."
- "endurance and persistence will be rewarded."
- "a new business venture is on the horizon."
- "never underestimate the power of the human touch (no homo)."
- "truth is an unpopular subject. Because it is unquestionably correct."
- "the most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said."
- "you are broad minded and socially active."
- "your dearest dream is coming true."
- "you will recieve some high prize or award."
- "your present question marks are going to succeed."
- "you have a fine capacity for the enjoyment of life."
- "you will live long and enjoy life."
- "an admirer is concealing their affection for you."
- "a wish is what makes life happen when you dream of rose petals."
- "love can turn a cottage into a golden palace."
- "lend your money and lose your freind."
- "you will be rewarded for being a good listener in the next week."
- "if you never give up on love, It will never give up on you."
- "your wish will come true."
- "there is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead for you."
- "no distance is too far, if two hearts are tied together."
- "land is always in the mind of the flying birds."
- "try? No! Do or do not, there is no try."
- "do not worry, you will have great peace."
- "you create your own stage ... the audience is waiting."
- "it is never too late. Just as it is never too early."
- "discover the power within yourself."
- "good things take time."
- "stop thinking about the road not taken and pave over the one you did."
- "put your unhappiness aside. Life is beautiful, be happy."
- "you can still love what you can not have in life."
- "make a wise choice everyday."
- "circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself."
- "the man who waits till tomorrow, misses the opportunities of today."
- "life does not get better by chance. It gets better by change."
- "if you never expect anything you can never be disappointed."
- "people in your surroundings will be more cooperative than usual."
- "true wisdom is found in happiness."
- "ones always regrets what could have done. Remember for next time."
- "follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors where there were once only walls."
- "find a peaceful place where you can make plans for the future."
- "all the water in the world can't sink a ship unless it gets inside."
- "the earth is a school learn in it."
- "in music, one must think with his heart and feel with his brain."
- "if you speak honestly, everyone will listen."
- "ganerosity will repay itself sooner than you imagine."
- "good things take time."
- "do what is right, not what you should."
- "to effect the quality of the day is no small achievement."
- "simplicity and clarity should be the theme in your dress."
- "not all closed eye is sleeping, nor open eye is seeing."
- "bread today is better than cake tomorrow."
- "a feeling is an idea with roots."
- "man is born to live and not prepared to live."
- "it's all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation."
- "if you don t give something, you will not get anything."
- "you will think for yourself when you stop letting others think for you."
- "time will prove you right, you must stay where you are."
- "let's finish this up now, someone is waiting for you on that."
- "the finest men like the finest steels have been tempered in the hottest furnace."
- "a dream you have will come true."
- "i think you ate your fortune while you were eating your cookie."
- "the cooler you think you are the dumber you look."
- "expect great things and great things will come."
- "the Wheel of Good Fortune is finally turning in your direction."
- "don't lead if you won't lead."
- "you will always be successful in your professional career."
- "share your happiness with others today."
- "it's up to you to clarify."
- "your future will be happy and productive."
- "seize every second of your life and savor it."
- "those who walk in other's tracks leave no footprints."
- "failure is the mother of all success."
- "difficulty at the beginning usually means ease at the end."
- "do not seek so much to find the answer as much as to understand the question better."
- "your way of doing what other people do their way is what makes you special."
- "a beautiful, smart, and loving person will be coming into your life."
- "friendship is an ocean that you cannot see the bottom of."
- "your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change."
- "our duty, as men and women, is to proceed as if limits to our ability did not exist."
- "a pleasant expeience is ahead; don't pass it by."
- "our perception and attitude toward any situation will determine the outcome."
- "they say you are stubborn; you call it persistence."
- "two small jumps are sometimes better than one big leap."
- "a new wardrobe brings great joy and change to your life."
- "the cure for grief is motion."
- "it's a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to the waiter."
- "ideas you believe are absurd ultimately lead to success."
- "a human being is a deciding being."
- "today is an ideal time to water your parsonal garden."
- "some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies."
- "things are never quite the way they seem."
- "the project on your mind will soon gain momentum."
- "in order to get the rainbow, you must first endure the rain."
- "beauty is simply beauty. originality is magical."
- "your dream will come true when you least expect it."
- "let not your hand be stretched out to receive and shut when you should repay."
- "don't worry, half the people you know are below average."
- "vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others."
- "you don't need talent to gain experience."
- "a focused mind is one of the most powerful forces in the universe."
- "today you shed your last tear. Tomorrow fortune knocks at your door."
- "be patient! The Great Wall didn't got build in one day."
- "think you can. Think you can't. Either way, you'll be right."
- "wisdom is on her way to you."
- "digital circuits are made from analog parts."
- "if you eat a box of fortune cookies, anything is possible."
- "the best is yet to come."
- "I'm with you."
- "be direct,usually one can accomplish more that way."
- "a single kind work will keep one warm for years."
- "ask a friend to join you on your next voyage."
- "love is free. Lust will cost you everything you have."
- "stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you."
- "you don't need the answers to all of life's questions. Just ask Jeremy what to do."
- "jealousy is a useless emotion."
- "you are not a ghost."
- "there is someone rather annoying in your life that you need to listen to."
- "you will plant the smallest seed and it will become the greatest and most mighty tree in the world."
- "see if you can learn anything from the children."
- "it's never too late for good things to happen."
- "a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
- "aim high, time flies."
- "one who is not sleeping, does not mean they are awake."
- "a great pleasure in life is doing what others say you can't."
- "isn't there something else you should be working on right now."
- "before you can be reborn you must die."
- "it's better to be the hammer than the nail."
- "you are admired by everyone for your talent and ability."
- "you will soon discover a major truth about the one you love most."
- "your life will prosper only if you acknowledge your faults and work to reduce them."
- "pray, but row towards shore."
- "trust, but verify."
- "you will soon witness a miracle."
- "the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
- "you are a persoon with a good sense of justice, now it's time to act like it."
- "you create enthusiasm around you."
- "there are big changes ahead for you. They will be good ones."
- "you will have many happy days soon."
- "out of confusion comes new patterns."
- "live like you are on the bottom, even if you are on the top."
- "you will soon emerge victorious from the maze you've been traveling in."
- "do not judge a book by it's cover."
- "everything will come your way."
- "there is a time to be practical now."
- "bend the rod while it is still hot."
- "darkness is only succesful when there is no light."
- "acting is not lying. It is findind someone hiding inside you and letting that person run free."
- "you will be forced to face fear, but if you do not run, fear will be afraid of you."
- "you are thinking about doing something. Don't do it, it won't help anything."
- "bad luck and misfortune will follow you all your days."
- "be a good friend and a fair enemy."
- "what goes around comes around."
- "the best prophet of the future is the past."
- "movies have pause buttons, friends do not."
- "use the force."
- "trust your intuition."
- "encourage your peers."
- "let your imagination wander."
- "your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."
- "patience is key, a wait short or long will have its reward."
- "a bird in the hand is worth three in the bush."
- "be assertive when decisive action is needed."
- "to determine whether someone is beautiful is not by looking at their appearance, but their heart."
- "傷心有多少 在乎就有多."
- "hope brings about a better future."
- "even though it will often be difficult and complicated, you know you have what it takes to get it done."
- "you will prosper in the field of wacky inventions."
- "your tongue is your ambassador."
- "the cure for grief is movement."
- "you are often asked if it is in yet."
- "life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility."
- "patience is a key to joy."
- "a bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist."
- "today is going to be a disasterous day, be prepared."
- "stay to your inner-self, you will benefit in many ways."
- "rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together as they do in you."
- "you are talented in many ways."
- "you are the master of every situation."
- "your problem just got bigger. Think, what have you done."
- "go with the flow, it will make your transition ever so much easier."
- "a metaphor could save your life."
- "don't wait for your ship to come in, swim out to it."
- "there are lessons to be learned by listening to others."
- "it takes more than a good memory to have good memories."
- "you are what you are; understand yourself before you react."
- "word to the wise: Don't play leapfrog with a unicorn."
- "forgive your enemies, but never forget them."
- "everything will now come your way."
- "don't worry about the stock market. Invest in family."
- "your fortune is as sweet as a cookie."
- "it is much easier to look for the bad, than it is to find the good."
- "you are worth loving, you are also worth the effort it takes to love you."
- "never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you."
- "get off to a new start - come out of your shell."
- "minor aches today are likely to pay off handsomely tomorrow."
- "your mouth may be moving, but nobody is listening."
- "the problem with resisting temptation is that it may never come again."
- "all your sorrows will vanish."
- "love will lead the way."
- "the ads revenge is massive success."
- "it is best to act with confidence, no matter how little right you have to it."
- "soon, a visitor shall delight you."
- "what breaks in a moment may take years to mend."
cards_against_humanity:
questions:
- "_____ kid tested mother approved."
- "_____: good to the last drop."
- "_____? There's an app for that."
- "_____. Betcha can't have just one."
- "_____. High five bro."
- "_____. It's a trap!"
- "_____. That's how I want to die."
- "_____ + _____ = _____"
- "I went from ______ to _____, all thanks to."
- "_____ would be woefully incomplete without _____."
- "_____ is a slippery slope that leads to _____."
- "An international tribunal has found _____ guilty of _____."
- "An the Academy Award for _____ goes to _____."
- "Before _____, all we had was_____."
- "Dear Sir or Madam, We regret to inform you that the office of _____ has denied your request for _____."
- "For my next trick, I will pull _____ out of _____."
- "I never truly understood _____ until I encountered _____."
- "I spent my whole life working toward _____, only to have it ruined by _____."
- "If God didn't want us to enjoy _____, he wouldn't have given us _____."
- "In a pinch, _____ can be a suitable substitute for _____."
- "In a world ravaged by _____, our only solace is _____."
- "In M. Night Shamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that _____ had really been _____ all along."
- "Lifetime presents _____, the story of _____."
- "Michael Bay's new three-hour action epic pits _____ against _____."
- "Rumor has it that Vladimir Putin's favorite dish is – stuffed with _____."
- "Step 1: _____ Step 2_____ Step 3: Profit."
- "That's right I killed _____. How you ask? _____."
- "What's the next superhero/sidekick duo?"
- "When I was tripping on acid _____ turned into _____."
- "You haven't truly lived until you've experienced – and – at the same time."
- "A romantic candlelit dinner would be incomplete without _____."
- "After blacking out during New Year's Eve, I was awoken by _____."
- "After months of debate, the Occupy Wall Street General Assembly could only agree on “More _____!”"
- "After the earthquake, Sean Penn brought ______ to the people of Haiti."
- "Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of _____."
- "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for _____."
- "Anthropologists have recently discovered a primitive tribe that worships _____."
- "Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with _____."
- "BILLY MAYS HERE FOR _____."
- "But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you _____."
- "Charades was ruined for me forever when my mom had to act out _____."
- "Coming to Broadway this season, _____: The Musical."
- "Dear Abby, I'm having some trouble with ______ and would like your advice."
- "During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into _____."
- "During Picasso's often-overlooked Brown Period, he produced hundreds of paintings of _____."
- "During sex, I like to think about _____."
- "Every Christmas my uncle gets drunk and tells the story about _____."
- "Everyone down on the ground! We don't want to hurt anyone. We're just here for _____."
- "He who controls _____ controls the world."
- "How am I maintaining my relationship status."
- "I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with ______."
- "I drink to forget _____."
- "I got 99 problems but _____ ain't one."
- "I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with _____."
- "I'm sorry professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of _____."
- "In 1,000 years when paper money is but a distant memory, _____ will be our currency."
- "In an attempt to reach a wider audience, the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has opened an interactive exhibit on _____."
- "In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of _____."
- "In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from _____."
- "In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proclaims that it has finally eliminated _____."
- "In L.A. county Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for _____."
- "In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about _____."
- "In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to _____."
- "In the distant future, historians will agree that _____ marked the beginning of America's decline."
- "In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with _____ for the first time."
- "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children _____ ."
- "It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with _____."
- "Jesus is _____."
- "Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to _____."
- "Little Miss Muffet, Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and _____."
- "Major League Baseball has banned _____ for giving players an unfair advantage."
- "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's _____."
- "Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience _____."
- "MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with _____."
- "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of _____."
- "My mom freaked out when she looked at my browser history and found _____.com."
- "My new favorite porn star is Joey “_____” McGee."
- "Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of _____."
- "Next on ESPN2: The World Series of _____."
- "Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about _____."
- "On the third day of Christmas, my true love game to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and _____."
- "Only two things in life are certain: death and _____."
- "Science will never explain the origin of _____."
- "Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to _____"
- "The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to _____."
- "The class field trip was completely ruined by _____."
- "The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, _____ acceptance."
- "The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of _____."
- "The socialist governments of Scandanavia have declared that access to – is a basic human right."
- "The votes are in, and the new high school mascot is _____."
- "This holiday season, Tim Allen must overcome his fear of _____ to save Christmas."
- "This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but with _____."
- "This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for _____."
- "This month's Cosmo: 'Spice up your sex life by bringing ______ into the bedroom.'"
- "This season on Man vs. Wild, Bear Grylls must survive in the depths of the Amazon with only _____ and his wits."
- "Tonight on 20/20: What you don't know about _____ could kill you."
- "TSA guidelines now prohibit _____ on airplanes."
- "Wake up, America. Christmas is under attack by secular liberals and their _____."
- "War! What is it good for?"
- "What am I giving up for Lent?"
- "What are my parents hiding from me?"
- "What brought the orgy to a grinding halt?"
- "What did I bring back from Mexico?"
- "What did the US airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?"
- "What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner?"
- "What do old people smell like?"
- "What does Dick Cheney prefer?"
- "What don't you want to find in your Chinese food?"
- "What ended my last relationship?"
- "What gets better with age?"
- "What gives me uncontrollable gas?"
- "What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony?"
- "What helps Obama unwind?"
- "What is Batman's guilty pleasure?"
- "What keeps me warm during the cold, cold winter?"
- "What never fails to liven up the party?"
- "What people like _____."
- "What will always get you laid?"
- "What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard?"
- "What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?"
- "What's a girl's best friend?"
- "What's my anti-drug?"
- "What's my secret power?"
- "What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed?"
- "What's that smell?"
- "What's that sound?"
- "What's the crustiest?"
- "What's the gift that keeps on giving?"
- "What's the most emo?"
- "What's the new fad diet?"
- "What's the next Happy Meal toy?"
- "What's there a ton of in heaven?"
- "When all else fails, I can always masturbate to _____."
- "When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate _____."
- "When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of _____."
- "When I pooped, what came out of my butt?"
- "When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of _____."
- "When the United States raced the Soviet Union to the moon, the Mexican government funneled millions of pesos into research on _____."
- "Why am I sticky?"
- "Why can't I sleep at night?"
- "Why do I hurt all over?"
answers:
- "Tweeting."
- "72 virgins."
- "8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin."
- "A 55-gallon drum of lube."
- "A bag of magic beans."
- "A balanced breakfast."
- "A beached whale."
- "A big black dick."
- "A big hoopla about nothing."
- "A bigger, blacker dick."
- "A bleached asshole."
- "A bloody pacifier."
- "A Bop It."
- "A brain tumor."
- "A Burmese tiger pit."
- "A can of whoop-ass."
- "A Christmas stocking full of coleslaw."
- "A clandestine butt scratch."
- "A cooler full of organs."
- "A crappy little hand."
- "A death ray."
- "A defective condom."
- "A disappointing birthday party."
- "A dollop of sour cream."
- "A drive-by shooting."
- "A falcon with a cap on its head."
- "A fetus."
- "A foul mouth."
- "A gassy antelope."
- "A gentle caress of the inner thigh."
- "A good sniff."
- "A Gypsy curse."
- "A homoerotic volleyball montage."
- "A hot mess."
- "A Hungry-Man Frozen Christmas Dinner for One."
- "A lifetime of sadness."
- "A look-see."
- "A low standard of living."
- "A magic hippie love cloud."
- "A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings."
- "A mating display."
- "A micropenis."
- "A middle-aged man on roller skates."
- "A mime having a stroke."
- "A monkey smoking a cigar."
- "A mopey zoo lion."
- "A murder most foul."
- "A nuanced critique."
- "A passionate Latino lover."
- "A pinata full of scorpions."
- "A really cool hat."
- "A rival dojo"
- "A robust mongoloid."
- "A sad fat dragon with no friends."
- "A sad handjob."
- "A salty surprise."
- "A sassy black woman."
- "A sausage festival."
- "A sea of troubles."
- "A slightly shittier parallel universe."
- "A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis."
- "A soulful rendition of “Ol' Man River.”"
- "A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles."
- "A stray pube."
- "A Super Soaker full of cat pee."
- "A sweaty, panting leather daddy."
- "A sweet spaceship."
- "A thermonuclear detonation."
- "A tiny horse."
- "A toxic family environment."
- "A visually arresting turtleneck."
- "A web of lies."
- "A windmill full of corpses."
- "A woman scorned."
- "A zesty breakfast burrito."
- "Aaron Burr."
- "Active listening."
- "Actually taking candy from a baby."
- "Adderall."
- "African children."
- "Agriculture."
- "AIDS."
- "Alcoholism."
- "All of this blood."
- "All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99."
- "Altar boys."
- "American Gladiators."
- "Amputees."
- "An army of skeletons."
- "An asymmetric boob job."
- "An erection that lasts more than four hours."
- "An ether-soaked rag."
- "An honest cop with nothing left to lose."
- "An icepick lobotomy."
- "An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist."
- "An Oedipus complex."
- "An unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea."
- "Anal beads."
- "Another goddamn vampire movie."
- "Another shitty year."
- "Another shot of morphine."
- "Apologizing."
- "Appreciative snapping."
- "Arnold Schwarzenegger."
- "Asians who aren't good at math."
- "Assless chaps."
- "Attitude."
- "Auschwitz."
- "Authentic Mexican cuisine."
- "Autocannibalism."
- "AXE body spray."
- "Balls."
- "Barack Obama."
- "Basic human decency."
- "BATMAN!!!"
- "Beating your wives."
- "Beefin' over turf."
- "Bees?"
- "Being a bust adult with many important things to do."
- "Being a dick to children."
- "Being a dinosaur."
- "Being a motherfucking sorcerer."
- "Being awesome at sex."
- "Being fabulous."
- "Being marginalized."
- "Being on fire."
- "Being rich."
- "Bill Nye the Science Guy."
- "Bingeing and purging."
- "Bitches."
- "Black people."
- "Bling."
- "Booby-trapping the house to foil burglars."
- "Boogers."
- "Boris the Soviet Love Hammer."
- "Bosnian chicken farmers."
- "Breaking out into song and dance."
- "Britney Spears at 55."
- "Bullshit."
- "Cards Against Humanity."
- "Carnies."
- "Catapults."
- "Catastrophic Urethral Trauma."
- "Centaurs."
- "Chainsaws for hands."
- "Charisma."
- "Cheating in the Special Olympics."
- "Child abuse."
- "Child beauty pageants."
- "Children on leashes."
- "Chivalry."
- "Christopher Walken."
- "Civilian casualties."
- "Clams."
- "Classist Undertones."
- "Clearing a bloody path through Walmart with a scimitar."
- "Coat hanger abortions."
- "Cockfights."
- "College."
- "Concealing a boner."
- "Consultants."
- "Copping a feel."
- "Coughing into a vagina."
- "Count Chocula."
- "Crippling debt."
- "Crystal meth."
- "Cuddling."
- "Customer service representatives."
- "Cybernetic enhancements."
- "Daddy issues."
- "Daddy's belt."
- "Dancing with a broom."
- "Darth Vader."
- "Date rape."
- "Dead babies."
- "Dead parents."
- "Death by Steven Seagal."
- "Deflowering the princess."
- "Dental dams."
- "Dick Cheney."
- "Dick fingers."
- "Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of “Friends.”"
- "Doin' it in the butt."
- "Doing the right thing."
- "Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza."
- "Dorito breath."
- "Double penetration."
- "Drinking alone."
- "Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up."
- "Dry heaving."
- "Dwarf tossing."
- "Dying of dysentery."
- "Dying."
- "Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale."
- "Eating an albino."
- "Eating an entire snowman."
- "Eating the last known Bison."
- "Edible underpants."
- "Elderly Japanese men."
- "Elf cum."
- "Embryonic stem cells."
- "Emotions."
- "Enormous Scandinavian women."
- "Erectile dysfunction."
- "Estrogen."
- "Ethnic cleansing."
- "Eugenics."
- "Euphoria by Calvin Klein."
- "Exactly what you'd expect."
- "Exchanging pleasantries."
- "Existing."
- "Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor."
- "Explosions."
- "Fabricating statistics."
- "Famine."
- "Fancy Feast."
- "Farting and walking away."
- "Fear itself."
- "Feeding Rosie O'Donnell."
- "Fetal alcohol syndrome."
- "Fiery poops."
- "Figgy pudding."
- "Finding a skeleton."
- "Finding Waldo."
- "Finger painting."
- "Fingering."
- "Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog."
- "Five-Dollar Footlongs."
- "Flash flooding."
- "Flesh-eating bacteria."
- "Flightless birds."
- "Flying sex snakes."
- "Foreskin."
- "Forgetting the Alamo."
- "Former President George W. Bush."
- "Free samples."
- "Friction."
- "Friendly fire."
- "Friends who eat all the snacks."
- "Friends with benefits."
- "Frolicking."
- "Fuck Mountain."
- "Fucking up “Silent Night” in front of 300 parents."
- "Full frontal nudity."
- "Gandalf."
- "Geese."
- "Genetically engineered super-soldiers."
- "Genghis Khan."
- "Genital piercings."
- "George Clooney's musk."
- "German dungeon porn."
- "Getting abducted by Peter Pan."
- "Getting drunk on mouthwash."
- "Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group."
- "Getting in her pants, politely."
- "Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon."
- "Getting really high."
- "Getting so angry that you pop a boner."
- "Ghandi."
- "Ghosts."
- "Gift-wrapping a live hamster."
- "Giving 110%."
- "Gladitorial combat."
- "Glenn Beck being harried by a swarm of buzzards."
- "Glenn Beck catching his scrotum on a curtain hook."
- "Glenn Beck convulsively vomiting as a brood of crab spiders hatches in his brain and erupts from his tear ducts."
- "Global warming."
- "Gloryholes."
- "Goats eating cans."
- "Goblins."
- "God."
- "GoGurt."
- "Golden showers."
- "Good grammar."
- "Grandma."
- "Grandpa's ashes."
- "Graphic violence, adult language and some sexual content."
- "Grave robbing."
- "Guys who don't call."
- "Half-assed foreplay."
- "Harry Potter erotica."
- "Heartwarming orphans."
- "Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II."
- "Heteronormativity."
- "Hillary Clinton's death stare."
- "Hipsters."
- "Historical revisionism."
- "Historically black colleges."
- "Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine."
- "Homeless people."
- "Hope."
- "Hormone injections."
- "Horrifying laser hair removal accidents."
- "Horse meat."
- "Hot Cheese."
- "Hot people."
- "Hot Pockets."
- "Hulk Hogan."
- "Hurricane Katrina."
- "Immaculate conception."
- "Inappropriate yodeling."
- "Incest."
- "Insatiable bloodlust."
- "Intelligent design."
- "Intimacy problems."
- "Italians."
- "Jafar."
- "Jean-Claude Van Damme."
- "Jeff Goldblum."
- "Jerking off into a pool of children's tears."
- "Jew-fros."
- "Jewish fraternities."
- "Jibber-jabber."
- "John Wilkes Booth."
- "Judge Judy."
- "Just the tip."
- "Justin Bieber."
- "Kamikaze pilots."
- "Kanye West."
- "Keanu Reaves."
- "Keg stands."
- "Kids with ass cancer."
- "Kim-Jong-il."
- "Krampus, the Austrian Christmas Monster."
- "Lactation."
- "Lady Gaga."
- "Lance Armstrong's missing testicle."
- "Land mines."
- "Laying an egg."
- "Leaving an awkward voicemail."
- "Leprosy."
- "Leveling up."
- "Licking things to claim them as your own."
- "Literally eating shit."
- "Living in a trashcan."
- "Lockjaw."
- "Loki, the trickster god."
- "Loose lips."
- "Lumberjack fantasies."
- "Lunchables."
- "Mad hacky-sack skills."
- "Making a friend."
- "Making a pouty face."
- "Making the penises kiss."
- "Making the penises kiss."
- "Mall Santa."
- "Man meat."
- "Masturbation."
- "Me time."
- "Me."
- "MechaHitler."
- "Media coverage."
- "Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament."
- "Men."
- "Menstruation."
- "Michael Jackson."
- "Michelle Obama's arms."
- "Mild autism."
- "Mooing."
- "Moral ambiguity."
- "Morgan Freeman's voice."
- "Mouth herpes."
- "Mr. Clean, right behind you."
- "Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him)."
- "Multiple stab wounds."
- "Mutually-assured destruction."
- "My collection of high-tech sex toys."
- "My first kill."
- "My genitals."
- "My hot cousin."
- "My humps."
- "My inner demons."
- "My machete."
- "My relationship status."
- "My sex life."
- "My soul."
- "My vagina."
- "Natalie Portman."
- "Natural male enhancement."
- "Natural selection."
- "Nazis."
- "Necrophilia."
- "Neil Patrick Harris."
- "New Age music."
- "Nickelback."
- "Nicolas Cage."
- "Nipple blades."
- "Nocturnal emissions."
- "Not giving a shit about the Third World."
- "Not reciprocating oral sex."
- "Nublile slave boys."
- "Nunchuck moves."
- "Obesity."
- "Object permanence."
- "Old-people smell."
- "Ominous background music."
- "One Ring to rule them all."
- "One thousand Slim Jims."
- "Oompa-Loompas."
- "Opposable thumbs."
- "Overcompensation."
- "Overpowering your father."
- "Oversized lollipops."
- "Pabst Blue Ribbon."
- "Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum."
- "Panda sex."
- "Panty raids."
- "Parting the Red Sea."
- "Party poopers."
- "Passable transvestites."
- "Passing a kidney stone."
- "Passive-aggressive Post-it notes."
- "Pedophiles."
- "Peeing a little bit."
- "Penis envy."
- "Picking up girls at the abortion clinic."
- "Pictures of boobs."
- "Pistol-whipping a hostage."
- "Pixelated bukkake."
- "Police brutality."
- "Pooping back and forth. Forever."
- "Poor life choices."
- "Poor people."
- "Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes."
- "Porn stars."
- "Powerful thighs."
- "Prancing."
- "Praying the gay away."
- "Preteens."
- "Pretending to be happy."
- "Pretending to care."
- "Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game."
- "Pterodactyl eggs."
- "Puberty."
- "Public ridicule."
- "Pulling out"
- "Pumping out a baby every nine months."
- "Puppies!"
- "Queefing."
- "Quiche."
- "Quivering jowls."
- "Racially-biased SAT questions."
- "Racism."
- "Raping and pillaging."
- "Re-gifting."
- "Repression,."
- "Republicans."
- "Revenge fucking."
- "Riding off into the sunset."
- "Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart."
- "Rising from the grave."
- "Road head."
- "Robert Downey, Jr."
- "RoboCop."
- "Ronald Reagan."
- "Roofies."
- "Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse."
- "Same-sex ice dancing."
- "Santa Claus."
- "Santa's heavy sack."
- "Sarah Palin."
- "Saxophone solos."
- "Scalping."
- "Science."
- "Scientology"
- "Scrotal frostbite."
- "Scrotum tickling."
- "Scrubbing under the folds."
- "Sean Connery."
- "Sean Penn."
- "Seduction."
- "Self-loathing."
- "Seppuku."
- "Serfdom."
- "Several intertwining love stories featuring Hugh Grant."
- "Sexting."
- "Sexual humiliation."
- "Sexual tension."
- "Sexy pillow fights."
- "Sexy siamese twins."
- "Shaft."
- "Shapeshifters."
- "Shaquille O'Neal's acting career."
- "Sharing needles."
- "Skeletor."
- "Slow motion."
- "Smallpox blankets."
- "Smegma."
- "Sniffing glue."
- "Socks."
- "Soiling oneself."
- "Some really fucked-up shit."
- "Soup that is too hot."
- "Space Jam on VHS."
- "Space muffins."
- "Special musical guest, Cher."
- "Spectacular abs."
- "Sperm whales."
- "Spontaneous human combustion."
- "Spring break!"
- "Statistically validated stereotypes."
- "Stephen Hawking talking dirty."
- "Stifling a giggle at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis."
- "Stranger danger."
- "Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife."
- "Sudden Poop Explosion Disease."
- "Suicidal thoughts."
- "Sunshine and rainbows."
- "Surprise sex!"
- "Survivor's guilt."
- "Sweet, sweet vengeance."
- "Swiftly achieving orgasm."
- "Switching to Geico."
- "Swooping."
- "Take-backsies."
- "Taking a man's eyes and balls out and putting his eyes where his balls go and then his balls in the eye holes."
- "Taking down Santa with a surface-to-air missiles."
- "Taking off your shirt."
- "Tangled Slinkys."
- "Tasteful sideboob."
- "Teaching a robot to love."
- "Team-building exercises."
- "Teenage pregnancy."
- "Tentacle porn."
- "Testicular torsion."
- "That thing that electrocutes your abs."
- "The American Dream."
- "The Big Bang."
- "The Blood of Christ."
- "The boners of the elderly."
- "The Care Bear Stare."
- "The Chinese gymnastics team."
- "The chronic."
- "The clitoris."
- "The corporations."
- "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy."
- "The day the birds attacked."
- "The Donald Trump Seal of Approval."
- "The economy."
- "The Fanta girls."
- "The folly of man."
- "The forbidden fruit."
- "The Force."
- "The four arms of Vishnu."
- "The gays."
- "The glass ceiling."
- "The Google."
- "The grey nutrient broth that sustains Mitt Romney."
- "The Gulags."
- "The Hamburglar."
- "The hardworking Mexican."
- "The harsh light of day."
- "The heart of a child."
- "The hiccups."
- "The Holy Bible."
- "The homosexual agenda."
- "The human body."
- "The Hustle."
- "The inevitable heat death of the universe."
- "The invisible hand."
- "The Jews."
- "The KKK."
- "The Kool-Aid Man."
- "The Little Engine That Could."
- "The Make-A-Wish foundation."
- "The mere concept of Applebee's."
- "The milk man."
- "The miracle of childbirth."
- "The mixing of the races."
- "The new Radiohead album."
- "The placenta."
- "The Pope."
- "The profoundly handicapped."
- "The Rapture."
- "The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr."
- "The shambling corpse of Larry King."
- "The South."
- "The Star Wars Holiday Special."
- "The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge."
- "The Tempur-Pedic Swedish Sleep System."
- "The terrorists."
- "The Three-Fifths Compromise."
- "The tiny calloused hands of the Chinese children that made this card."
- "The token minority."
- "The Trail of Tears."
- "The true meaning of Christmas."
- "The Ubermensch."
- "The underground railroad."
- "The violation of our most basic human rights."
- "The Virginia Tech Massacre."
- "The World of Warcraft."
- "Third base."
- "Tiny nipples."
- "Tom Cruise."
- "Tongue."
- "Toni Morrison's vagina."
- "Too much hair gel."
- "Tripping balls."
- "Two midgets shitting into a bucket."
- "Unfathomable stupidity."
- "Upgrading homeless people to mobile hotspots."
- "Uppercuts."
- "Vehicular manslaughter."
- "Viagra."
- "Vigilante justice."
- "Vigorous jazz hands."
- "Vikings."
- "Waiting 'til marriage."
- "Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot."
- "Waterboarding."
- "Weapons-grade plutonium."
- "Wearing an octopus for a hat."
- "Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry."
- "Whatever Kwanzaa is supposed to be about."
- "When you fart and a little bit comes out."
- "Whining like a little bitch."
- "Whipping a disobedient slave."
- "Whipping it out."
- "White people."
- "White privilege."
- "Wifely duties."
- "William Shatner."
- "Winking at old people."
- "Wiping her butt."
- "Women in yogurt commercials."
- "Women's suffrage."
- "Words, words, words."
- "World peace."
- "Yeast."
- "YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS."
- "Zeus's sexual appetites."